My dear Floridian residents:

If y’all need a place to stay, you’re welcome to crash at my place.

That is, after I make sure you’re free from any kind of contamination. If you’re not, I’ll kill you. But don’t worry! I’ll make it a quick and clean death.

Mind you, I live in a tiny island. In a farm. Deep in the countryside surrounded by mountains, cows, bananas and pineapples.

Bring your own gun.